We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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