Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
