so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How external is "for external use only"?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
