do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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