I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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