Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
