see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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