They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
being pregnant is like rehab
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
