Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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