Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
