some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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