apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
