I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
