You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
