I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
