so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
