I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
