I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The Olympian is in my bed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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