I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
