was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
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