Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
