oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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