I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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