I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
