I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
