I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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