I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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