I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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