He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
