get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's always time for handjobs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
