We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
