I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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