I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
