Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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