So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
