I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
