We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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