Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
