lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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