My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
