AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
