you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
