why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You are the jesus of drinking
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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