we made out on top of his cat.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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