You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
