you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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