So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You can't special order awesome
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
