He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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