i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
