It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
